Question by Bryson: Im writing a short story about a….?
teenager with a brother who is a slob, and messed up the house when his parents went for a wedding in england, could some one help me add a twist to the story or other things i could add?
BTW here is what i got so far if you would like to read it.
Jimmy pushed his brother’s door door, but it refused to go any further. He then noticed the cause, a mountain of soiled clothes resisting against the door. He swiftly used his foot to free the door, only to witness the horror of George’s room. The un-made bed had notebooks, a dictionary, pencils, pens and a ruler on it. A half eaten ham and cheese sandwich lay on a paper lunch bag, atop the desk. Adjacent to it, two empty soda cans. His metal mesh waste-basket toppled over with many balls of crumpled notes on the floor. He noticed George’s beloved skateboard under a pile of worn out sneakers. A neglected hamster played in it’s cage by the window sill. Jimmy gave a look of discust and whispered to himself “eww”, and he began to wonder if it ran in the family. After feeding the lonely hamster Jimmy tried to race out of this pigsty but slipped on one of George’s half used deodorant, his backed slammed in to the moist carpet and he let out a yelp, he laid there for a moment thinking he had broke his spine, but then noticed the pungent smell from the carpet. He quickly jumped to his feet and brushed himself off. Jimmy assumed responsibility when his parents left for a wedding in England, because he was known as the responsible one.
btw this is for gr.11 eng, and i was forced to use a messy room as the topic
Answer by dizwar
Jimmy looked around the room, knowing he would have to help clean up, even though it wasn’t his mess. His gaze settled on the half-eaten sandwich and empty soda cans on the desk.
Something wasn’t right.
Jimmy frowned. Hadn’t there been just ONE sandwich, and only TWO empty cans?
Stepping gingerly over a pile of books and papers, he walked over to the desk, then stopped. His heart skipped a beat.
Now there were FOUR cans, plus a bag of crisps, a box of chocolates, and the limp remains of a salad.
But that was impossible! Or was it? Jimmy ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. Too much junk in the room to notice everything at once, he mused. Oh well, might as well start somewhere…
He was leaning forward to pick up clothes and a pair of shoes when he thought he heard a noise. Hesitating, he listened. There it was again. An odd sound, sort of like…like paper being crushed. And now there was another noise, as if something was rubbing against the ceiling.
He spun around suddenly: there, in the metal waste-basket, was a virtual MOUNTAIN of crumpled papers, crushed against the ceiling, spilling out onto the hallway, piled in front of the closet, blocking the stairs.
Jimmy stared with his mouth open. There must have been literally THOUSANDS of paper balls! But where had they all come from? Hadn’t there just been maybe 50 or so? They couldn’t possibly have been there all along…could they?
While he pondered this strange phenomenon, Jimmy was suddenly aware of a soft, velvety, sort of MOVING sensation at his ankles. He looked down and was shocked to see not one hamster, but DOZENS of the little creatures, scurrying around his feet.
This was just too much for Jimmy. He turned to leave but discovered with horror and amazement that the solid floor he had been standing on was now an inexplicable carpet of thick, noxious slime, into which he was slowly and forever sinking, sinking, sinking…
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